There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
