apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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