I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
