i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
