oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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