he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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