Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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