Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
