Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
