Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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