Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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