dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
