My sheets look like a crime scene.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
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