it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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