He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize