She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
