but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
