Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
