sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
