That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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