A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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