My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
