I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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