true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
