The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
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Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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