don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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