i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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