There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
