I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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