Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
