Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
