I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
