Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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