so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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