I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
