I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
