'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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