I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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