he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
