it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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