I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
