i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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