I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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