I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
