"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize