he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
