you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
