i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
