wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can you bring me the toilet please
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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