I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
