Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
