i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
