Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
