I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
