can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
