Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
