have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Floor bacon is actually really good
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
