apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
