you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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