You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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