bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
