Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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