I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
