chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
