So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
